death and dying

Last week I sat with a woman in a nursing home who is on death's door- literally.  I volunteer for a hospice program, which means people have been given six months to live or less.  I usually only spend about an hour a week doing this and the usual woman I visit still has some living left to do. She is a spitfire, that's for sure.  She has a "don't take no crap from nobody attitude" in her 81 years.  We sit and talk for about an hour and then I tell her it's time for me to go and I'll be back next week.  She always responds the same, "you mean I have to wait that long to see you again?".  We talk lots about her experiences, and how things have changed in her world today- for me it's pretty much the only world I've ever known.  I'm curious though, about what changes I'll be reminiscing about when I'm in her chair.


I got an email last week about volunteers being needed to sit with a woman as she is not expected to make it through the week.  Wednesday was my day off and I was happy to offer two hours of my time for someone else in their last moments of life.  


The only other person I've seen in this state is my Grandma, last spring when she died of cancer.  I was a little worried that it might be too much for me, but oddly enough the experience made me feel closer to my Grandma.  It was sort of like I got to sit with her again and hold her hand and just be there.  Truly present.  I think that is a rarity these days.  How often are we with someone when they are struggling, mourning, in pain, or just plain lost and all they really need is someone to sit there silently; absorbing whatever emotion they are plagued with.  And that folks is powerful- to hold someone steady without even saying a word.   


 So over the past few years I've really come to appreciate silence, and this was just another moment I was able to embrace it.  This experience was especially powerful because it allowed for reflection of life (as she is ending hers and I feel as though I'm really just beginning mine), and it gave me another chance to be close to Grandma.  

doesn't get any sweeter